


Hamilton Doesn't Hesitate

by TheSadisticMunchkin



Series: The Ship Is In The Harbor (The Concept Of Us) [1]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst with a Happy Ending, Broken Engagement, Drunk Texting, Drunken Confessions, Engagement, Fake Marriage, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Falling In Love, Fluffy Ending, Heavy Angst, Heavy Drinking, Hospitalization, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, M/M, Medical Jargon, Resolved Romantic Tension, Romantic Gestures, its fine theyre gonna be okay, not really i literally just looked at webmd and thought 'eh this will work'
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-29
Updated: 2015-12-29
Packaged: 2018-05-09 23:55:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,353
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5560828
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheSadisticMunchkin/pseuds/TheSadisticMunchkin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Aaron just wanted to go home</p><p>Not get <i>engaged</i></p><p>aka "The coveted Fake Dating AU that I'm way too in love with"</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hamilton Doesn't Hesitate

**Author's Note:**

> Merry late Christmas, ya filthy animals! This is a late Christmas present for my friend Sage. It's only one though. There's two more to go before the year ends!

It’s been awhile since he’s stepped on American soil.

 

            Of course he was exaggerating. He was here for Christmas last year but it wasn’t like his family would know that. He didn’t have one. That didn’t mean it brought bitter feelings. He’s more independent now more than ever and that was the reason why he decided to finish his studies in London. He could continue practicing law when he’s back in New York and that’s exactly what he intended to do from this point on.

 

            He had a very specific schedule. Each time slot was essential and if even one part was a minute late, it would ruin everything. He needed to find his baggage first, that would range from 5 to 20 minutes depending on the reliability of the airline. Then he needed to call up an Uber driver to take him to his apartment. After that, he figured he should call up Madison to tell him he was home. Maybe they could get a few coffees and catch up. He does miss talking to his friends, that is whoever is left of them in New York.

 

            Once he got his baggage (6 minutes), he left the airport with a few minutes to spare to call an Uber. Just as he took out his phone, a commotion took his attention away from it. “What the hell?” He stood a bit on his toes to have a better look at what was happening and his blood started to run cold at what he saw. Rather, _whom_ he saw. He turned right around and hoped that he wasn’t seen but he was too tall for his own good.

 

            “Mister Burr, sir!”

 

            _What did I do to deserve this?_

 

The man was so small it took him a while to run towards him. That gave Burr a few seconds to keep his temper in. What was it about this guy that got him riled up? He’s got way too much history with him. “Can we confer, sir?” He sounded out of breath. The poor guy must have been looking for him for a while and that sent a twinge of sympathy through Burr’s heart.

 

            Burr turned around just in time to see Hamilton stand up straight and give him his most dazzling smile. He had to admit that he did miss him to some extent. No one else could start a heated debate with him like Hamilton. But he really just wanted to go home. _Wait for it, Burr. Hear what he has to say._ So he took a deep breath and gave his old friend a small smile. “Alexander. In all my days, I never thought yours would be the first face I see after I step out of the airport.”

 

            “I need your help, sir.”

 

            “You can call me Aaron, you know.”

 

            “I’d like to keep a tone of formality because this is really important.”

 

            “Would you rather we talk about this over coffee?”

 

            Alexander opened his mouth to protest but eventually he nodded. Burr was surprised when the shorter man took his luggage and his arm and dragged both of them over to the taxi line. Burr had no time to object when Alex, surprisingly strong for his height, placed all his luggage in the taxicab’s trunk. “I pay for the fare you pay for the coffee, deal?” Aaron forgot how this man wasted no time. All he could do was nod as he was escorted into the backseat of the cab.

 

            Aaron also didn’t bother to tell Alex that he was disrupting his schedule. He wouldn’t win that debate anyway.

 

            Before he knew it, he was sitting in a small coffee shop on 14th street. He suggested Starbucks naturally but Alex was adamant about this. Talked about how he didn’t know what _real_ coffee was. Burr’s pride was not going to be wounded by whatever shit was coming out of Hamilton’s mouth so he just went with it. He ended up really liking the coffee. Whatever. Hamilton didn’t need to know that. “So what was the important thing you wanted to tell me?” He asked as he took a sip of the actual damn good coffee.

 

            “I’m not going to beat around the bush here.”

 

            “Okay…”

 

            “Will you marry me?”

 

            “What the _fuck?_ ”

 

            “Shhh!” Hamilton almost threw his whole body across the table and covered Burr’s mouth with both of his hands. “You want people to stare? I’d rather drag my _own name_ through the mud but only when I’ve got a pretty good grasp on what kind of shit I would spew about myself.” Burr practically ripped Alex’ hands from his lips and held them between his own. The action brought a funny feeling to his chest but that didn’t matter.

 

            “You just proposed to me with no explanation whatsoever! How else am I supposed to react?” He whispered harshly.

 

            “Yes but I have an explanation!”

 

            “I would have appreciated the explanation _before_ you surprise proposed to me!”

 

            “I have a proposition about the proposal, Burr.”

 

            “Your sentences are senseless, Hamilton.”

 

            “Don’t insult me with alliteration!” He sensed Hamilton was about to say something else but he shut his mouth once more. Wow. Twice in one day. He better call Eliza because it’s a Christmas miracle that Hamilton shut up for a few seconds. Then Burr took a nice long look at him and he sighed. _I can’t believe I’m doing this._

 

He let go of Hamilton’s hands and crossed his arms in front of his chest. “You have 5 minutes.”

 

            He completed his story in 4 minutes and 59 seconds.

 

            A ridiculous story on how nobody believes that Alexander can commit to someone. What was even more ridiculous was that he already told everyone that he proposed to Burr and he was secretly dating him all this time. What wasn’t ridiculous was the fact that Alex does not like being proven wrong. And this entire thing could have very well been plausible if he played his cards right. If there was one thing about Alexander Hamilton, he knew how to build palaces out of paragraphs _so_ grand it _has_ to be true.

 

            “Damn it, Hamilton.” He’s lost count on how many times he’s said this same phrase to this guy in the years he’s known him. Only Hamilton would do something like this. “Why me?” He needed to know. There were several people good enough to be his fake fiancé. There was Lafayette, he was pretty sure the guy would jump at anything Hamilton proposes to. There was also Laurens; he didn’t even have to have an explanation for that. Heck, Samuel fucking Seabury was a better candidate.

 

            Why him?

 

            “Why not you, Burr?” Well that got him stumped. How was he supposed to answer that? He needed an answer from _Hamilton_. “It’s rather predictable if it were Laurens or Lafayette. You, however…” Alex looked at him almost bashfully and something not entirely unfamiliar stirred in Aaron’s chest. “You can’t deny that we’re at least compatible. Like Yin and Yang, you see. We keep meeting. We’re always at each other’s necks.”

 

            “That’s the problem, Alex.” Aaron leaned forward slightly so he could at least try to get his point across. “People think we hate each other.”

 

            “Do you hate me, Burr?”

 

            “What?”

 

            “ _Do you hate me, Burr?”_

 

At least this was a question he could answer. “You’re insufferable, you annoy me to no end, and I get fucking nightmares every time you win in an argument against me.” Alex visibly deflated but he held up a single finger and sighed. “But I don’t hate you. You have traits that I hate but as a person… You’re actually a good friend, Alexander. I don’t hate you.” The smile that he got out of the person whom people think is his worst enemy brought that weird feeling to his chest again.

 

            He still doesn’t know what it is but it’s nice. It _actually_ feels nice.

 

            “So you’ll do it?”

 

            “We have to plan this all out first of course.”

 

            “But you’ll do it?” Hamilton didn’t even have to wait for an answer from him before he uncharacteristically threw his whole body against him in a fierce hug. He knew Hamilton was a guy who showed affection in the most daring ways but he was never a recipient of said affection. He figured it would look awkward with a tiny immigrant hugging him in his lap if he didn’t hug back. He wrapped his arms around Alexander’s waist and slowly placed his head on his shoulder.

 

            He closed his eyes and sighed.

 

            “Thank you, Burr.”

 

            “Aaron. You need to start calling me Aaron.”

 

            Hamilton pulled away, his hands still on his shoulders and gave him a warm smile. That same funny feeling stirred in his chest again. “Alright, Aaron. Shall we discuss the terms of our relationship?”

 

            Burr’s schedule was in ruins but somehow he didn’t mind.

___________________________________________________________________________

            The others minded quite a bit.

 

            The common phrases he heard were “Burr? Really?” and “I thought you had better taste.” and his personal favorite was “I heard he’s an ace in bed, is that true?” As much as he would love to answer that one, he enjoyed seeing Alexander’s blushing face whenever Angelica would ask him for details on their bedroom escapades. Eliza even took Burr to the side to give him the coveted “hurt him and your face meets my fist” conversation.

 

            That meant their little game was working.

 

            “Mon ami, may I speak with you?”

 

            “Um sure.” Now Burr liked Lafayette. He was one of the most tolerable of Hamilton’s group of friends. Lafayette even invited him to parties when they were in college and was the main reason why he even _went_ to parties. Lafayette took him to a more secluded corner of the room. Of course the only way for Alexander to tell all his friends that he was engaged was through a party. He was glad that at least Washington declined the invitation, choosing instead to work on his campaign.

 

            He’d rather gain the pseudo-approval of Hamilton’s pseudo-father during a time where drunken young adults did not surround him.

 

            “I only have one question for you, Burr.” At least Laf didn’t hesitate to say what he needed to say.

 

            “Alright?”

 

            “Are you happy? Well with le petit homme Hamilton that is?”

 

            “Um…” He needed a quick answer. He was a newly established lawyer, damn it! He should know how to answer questions like this. Except this question really wasn’t like the questions he was used to. He was asking him if he was happy. Happy with Hamilton, that is. He looked over his shoulder at anyone, honestly anyone, to try and get him out of this. His eyes immediately settled on Hamilton sitting on the couch with hands around a mug of beer as he talked enthusiastically to Peggy.

 

            Suddenly he had an answer.

 

            “Yes I am. And I hope Alex is happy with me too. God knows we both need someone to care for.”

 

            “You think Monsieur Hamilton can take care of you?”

 

            “I think I’ll be doing most of the caring, mon ami.” Lafayette laughed at that and clapped his shoulder with the hand not holding his can of beer. “Honestly though, Laf?” He looked over his shoulder again at Alex talking a mile a minute and smiled. Funny enough, Alex caught his eye and he waved at him. Peggy looked like she was about to burst with emotions. “I’m glad it’s Alexander I fell in love with.”

 

            How true could those words be in the next few weeks?

 

            Burr was willing to wait for it.

 

            Unfortunately, he waited too long.

___________________________________________________________________________

            “Maria Reynolds?”

 

            “Burr please…”

 

            “Maria _fucking_ Reynolds?”

 

            “Burr why are you getting so worked up about this? Nobody needs to know!”

 

            “I know, Alex! _I_ know!” He was filled with the most unbridled rage he has ever experienced in his life. “We had an agreement, Alex! You said so yourself that we would keep this up for six months and you couldn’t even wait that long. You couldn’t wait to start _fucking_ someone else for whatever relief you crave!”

 

            “Burr please listen to me.”

 

            “No Alex!” Aaron’s hands were shaking but he didn’t care. His eyes were stinging with unshed tears but he knew not to let them fall. “I’ve only been listening to _you and only you_ for the past few months. I always stayed back in arguments. I always let you win. I always fucking listened. Now you _fucking_ listen to me now!” He wasn’t even surprised anymore that Hamilton shut up. His brain was scattered and his vision was blurry. He couldn’t even _stand_ to see him.

 

            “I agreed to do this because you were my friend, Alex. I was foolish enough to trust you as it is. For some reason, you trusted me too. Now I can’t even fucking _look_ at you without feeling betrayal.” His hands clenched at his sides. His fingernails dug deep into the skin of his palms. He could feel his heart beating so fast that he was almost afraid it was going to burst out of his chest. “You exhibit no restraint. You take _absolutely_ everything and you don’t even take into consideration whatever carnage you leave behind--”

 

            “I could never understand you!” There was that swirl of that unknown emotion in his chest again. It hurt more than it ever did before. “I don’t understand why you’re so affected with me having a one night stand with Maria! Isn’t all of this fake? This _engagement_ is fake. The _love_ I have for you is fake and I’m pretty sure when you tell me you love me in public it’s pretty fucking fake. All of it is fake!” Each sentence brought a stab of pain to Burr’s heart and suddenly he couldn’t hold it in anymore.

 

            “Not for me.” His admission was quiet, filled with regret, and he could even admit that his voice was shaking.

 

            Alex stopped talking and just stared at him all dumbfounded. Figures. Hamilton always assumed he was the smartest in the room. But the moment he gets an answer wrong, all he could do is border on senseless. “W-What?” Stuttering. That was new. Burr wasn’t going to fall for it. Not anymore.

 

            He already fell for Hamilton anyway. See where that got him?

 

            He finally let the tears in his eyes fall down his cheeks and he was almost surprised that there were so many of them. He always prided himself in the fact that he was always in control. Now he can’t even control his emotions. Not when he was in front of Alexander Hamilton. This was the man who talked 500 words per minute and managed to make him listen to his 6 hour long speeches. For the first time, he actually had no words as he continued to stare at him with the most calculating eyes.

 

            He glanced down at the engagement ring that he had on his finger. Burr was the one who bought it but Hamilton was the one who picked it out. “It matches your smile.” He told him when they finally found it. “Smile more, Aaron.” He used his own words to appeal to him. Maybe that was the time he started to fall. He fell too hard and now it hurts when he tries to stand up. He lifted his hand up and took the ring off of his finger. He walked slowly towards Hamilton (“ _Alexander, my love” he wanted to say),_ and took his hand for the last time.

 

            There and then he placed the engagement ring in his palm and curled his fingers around it. Rough. His hands were rough and Burr wondered that if he didn’t wait too long he would have gotten to hold them much longer. He was tired of waiting for Hamilton now. Waiting for Hamilton was like being in a motor chase alongside him in a sidecar that was poorly attached. One day he was going to fly off the hinges and it was going to hurt like hell. Unfortunately, today was that day.

 

            “Goodbye Alexander.”

 

            He left before he gave Alex the chance to say goodbye. He finally understood what that feeling that always stirred in his chest was now.

 

            It was heartbreak.

___________________________________________________________________________

_**To: Burr, sir**_

**_From: A. Ham_ **

**_Sent:_ ** **_Tues, 12:30 am_ **

**** _Please answer your phone._

_**To: Burr, sir**_

**_From: A. Ham_ **

**_Sent:_ ** **_Wednesday, 3:23 am_ **

**** _Aaron. Please. I need you._

 

_**To: Burr, sir**_

**_From: A. Ham_ **

**_Sent: Thursday, 2:48 am_ **

_Can you at least give me 5 minutes again? I’ll finish in 4._

 

_**To: Burr, sir**_

**_From: A. Ham_ **

**_Sent: Thursday, 2:49 am_ **

            _I’ll finish in 3 minutes! I’ll give an abbreviated version in case you really don’t want to hear me talk. I know you hate hearing me talk so much so I’ll shorten what I could say to you. I’ll do it, Aaron. I’ll do it for you._

 

_**To: Burr, sir**_

**_From: A. Ham_ **

**_Sent: Friday, 1:29 am_ **

_’m drunk ryt now. I miss ur face._

 

**_To: Burr, sir_ **

**_From: A. Ham_ **

**_Sent: Friday, 1:45 am_ **

**** _I also miss ur hands aaron. u know theyre big and warm and its always fun being the lil spoon when we sleep together. geddit, aaron?? lil spoon. Cause im lil hammy. Im a comedic genius aaron i hope ur laughin like i am hahah_

 

_**To: Burr, sir**_

**_From: A. Ham_ **

**_Sent: Friday, 2:42 am_ **

**** _Im sorry aaron_

 

_**To: Burr, sir**_

**_From: A. Ham_ **

**_Error: Message not sent_ **

**** _is it 2 late to say i love u 2?? it prob is. im sorry. im so sorry._

___________________________________________________________________________

            Of all the places to see Hamilton again, it had to be in a Starbucks.

 

            It was weird seeing him there. His laptop propped up on his lap as he was currently squished into one of the more comfortable armchairs. He looked like he hadn’t slept in a week. Normally that would just be something so Hamilton that Burr would dismiss it. This time though, he looked tired beyond belief. Yet his fingers still flew across the keyboard like he was running out of time. Like tomorrow was his last day on earth. He hated how he still felt the need to care for him.

 

            At first, Burr ignored him. He had no obligation to talk to him. He had no obligation to even look at him. Yeah, it still hurt. It’s only been 3 weeks since the end of their “engagement” but Burr was still picking up the pieces of his broken heart. He was, however, a lawyer. He was not an architect. So he didn’t know how he could piece it back together. Most days he felt like his heart would never beat the same way again.

 

            It didn’t stop him from going on. So on he went to the counter and at the pretty barista. Maybe if he successfully asked her out, he would start to feel better. That was a plan. He flashed his most charming smile at the barista, Theodosia was what was written on her nametag, and gave her his order. She blushed several times and she laughed at his corny jokes (Jokes he stole from Hamilton himself. Why did he remind himself of that again?)

 

            But before he was able to get change for his coffee, someone behind him collapsed. The sound of broken dishes and scattered screams echoed in his ears and it sent the worst kind of chill through his bones. He prayed to God that it wouldn’t be who he thought it was.

 

            He turned around and there he was.

 

_Hamilton._

 

            He looked almost dead on the carpeted floor.

 

            Suddenly he didn’t care about Theodosia or the mocha cappuccino he was supposed to get. He didn’t care about the velvet rope that separated him from the man currently surrounded by the rest of the coffee shop patrons. All he cared about was getting to Hamilton and making sure he would be all right. He felt someone push him back and he fought the tears gathering in his eyes. No. Nothing was going to stop him from getting to Hamilton.

 

            He blurted out the first thing that came to mind. He didn’t care if it was a damn lie. “That’s my fiancé!” The man holding him back thankfully moved away. He pushed through the small crowd, his throat getting dry as he screamed. “That’s my fiancé! Please! I need to see him!” The rest of the people separated like the Red Sea and soon enough Aaron was kneeling next to Alexander. “Oh fuck…” He noticed first the blood slowly coming out of the back of his head. He must of hit it on the glass coffee table when he collapsed.

 

            “Fuck.” He whispered harshly as he continued to hold back tears. “God damn it Alex, don’t you dare die on me!” He gathered the smaller man into his arms and placed him gently on his lap. Everyone else simply stared at them and he was filled with utmost rage. “Well why are you all just standing there? Unless someone in here is a doctor, _call a damn ambulance!_ He’s losing blood!” Theodosia the barista was the first to have her hands on a phone. God bless her.

 

            “Come on, Alex. You gotta stay with me okay? The ambulance is on its way and you’re gonna be fine.” He might as well have been talking to himself as he ripped the hem of his t-shirt with surprising strength and wrapped it around Alexander’s head to staunch the bleeding. It wasn’t a lot of blood but one can never be too careful. He never liked seeing blood. Ask anyone Burr has fought with in the army and they would tell you the exact same thing.

 

            Alex stirred a little bit on his lap and Burr shifted into a more comfortable position for him. “Hey there Alex. Come on, look at me.” Those brown eyes looked up at him, the usual adventurous glint barely shining within them. He perked up a little bit at the sight of him.

 

            “Aaron? I’m--” But Burr beat him to it.

 

            “I know.” He saw his texts, his drunken texts. He was almost tempted to text him back most of the time.

 

            “No you need to hear it, Aaron. I’ve been a--” Alexander coughed violently and a bit of bile found its way dripping out of the corner of Alex’ mouth. Aaron didn’t have the heart to look away. His heart belonged to this man anyway, no matter how hard he tried to forget. _“Fuck…”_

“Shhh I know, Alex. I know. Now just stay alive…”

 

            “Funny,” Alex still had the strength to smile. “Eliza used to tell me that too.”

 

            “Both of us set a very low bar for you. Can you at least reach it, love?” Humor was helping both of them get through the pain. Anything. Absolutely anything to keep Alex from going unconscious.

 

            “Am I not too short to reach anything, sir?”

 

            “Oh Alexander, you weren’t too short to reach the sky.”

 

            Soon enough, the ambulance came but not before he got another smile from Alexander.

___________________________________________________________________________

            Alexander always had a knack for making everything he was doing look like a scene from a telenovela.

 

            It turned out he wasn’t exactly dying. He just had a minor concussion from suddenly collapsing into the coffee table. However he also had gastric ulcer from excessive drinking and not eating for long periods of time. Aaron winced when he thought that it sounded too much like Hamilton. He would endanger himself, both physically and mentally, if he set his mind to it. And that man’s mind was unlike any other.

 

            The doctor told him he was lucky that they found it right away. If he let this keep going for too long, he would have to have gone through major surgery to close up the hole. Thankfully he only needed to take proton pump inhibitors to allow the ulcer to heal. He also needed to stop drinking and actually get 3 full meals a day. “Do take care of him, will you? He came in last week too. He almost had alcohol poisoning.” The doctor told him with a grave expression.

 

            This was the third time Burr had to keep his tears in. He didn’t think that he would be just as affected. He was, after all, the one who cheated on him. Could he have been overreacting? No. He couldn’t have been. He was already in love when it happened and no one could argue with the heart. Yet, he couldn’t find anyone else to place the blame on but himself. “I will doctor, thank you.” The doctor placed a sympathetic hand on his shoulder before giving him privacy.

 

            He wished he could say that Alex was asleep the whole time he was having the conversation with the doctor but even drugs couldn’t sedate him long enough. “Gastric ulcer, Alexander.”

 

            “I was weak. I was awake.”

 

            _“Gastric ulcer and alcohol poisoning,_ Alex.”

 

            “Go ahead. Keep scolding me. I deserve it anyway.” There wasn’t an ounce of sarcasm in his voice and Aaron sighed. Yes he should keep scolding him. Yes he should start setting ground rules for him and lock up his liquor cabinet with a different key. Yes he should be mad. Yes he should just leave this hospital room and let him fend for himself. But he couldn’t do that yet. He was just so unbelievably relieved that he was alive.

 

            “Your hospital food is getting cold.”

 

            Alexander’s eyes quickly looked up from his gaze on his lap and he stared at Burr with confusion. He watched as Aaron walked over to the side of the bed, pulled up a chair and took the tray of food in his lap. He stayed there for a few seconds before he decided to sit on the edge of the bed instead. Alex was small enough for him to sit comfortably by his side. Alex continued to stare when he removed the clear plastic wrap from around the tray and picked up the spoon.

 

            “Open up.” Aaron held up the spoon filled with some unknown meat and questionable soup dripping from it. Alex couldn’t find it in himself to protest, like he usually did, and opened his mouth to accommodate the food. It turned out to be chicken noodle. It looked nothing like the chicken noodle he was used to eating. Funnily enough his favorite kind of chicken noodle soup was the kind Burr cooked before. “You’ve got to start eating three meals a day now, Alex. We can’t afford this ulcer to get bigger.”

 

            “We?” He asked, his mouth still full.

 

            “Did you think you’re going to be able to pay for these hospital bills yourself?”

 

            “I don’t know. Maybe?”

 

            “Swallow before you speak, Alex.” He must have imagined the fond smile that graced Aaron’s lips. He returned the smile, albeit slightly, before swallowing his food. Aaron held up one spoonful after another and Alex let him feed him. He owed him this much, at least. Alex owed him a lot more than that though. Before he knew it, they were already at desert and Aaron was feeding him the last spoonful of pudding.

 

            When Aaron placed the tray on the bedside table, he finally noticed it. He noticed the unmistakable glint of the silver band around Burr’s ring finger. “Alex?” At the sound of his name, he looked up at the taller man and opened his mouth to speak. Aaron only held up the hand that housed his ring and advised him to not strain himself too much.

 

            “Where did you get that?”

 

            Aaron lifted up his left hand again and absentmindedly twisted the silver band around his finger. For some reason, wearing it again felt right. Seeing Aaron wearing it brought an onslaught of butterflies to his stomach. He never appreciated how good it looked on him. “It was from your pant pocket. They needed to make sure you had no other substance on you but all you had in your pockets were your phone, a 10 dollar bill, and the engagement ring.”

 

            “And you wore it? Why?”

 

            “I believe it is mine to begin with, Alexander. The real question is why you had it in your pocket.”

 

            How was he supposed to answer that without sounding clingy? The answer was: there’s no way. He was a mess ever since Aaron left. At first everything felt fine but then the lingering fact that _Aaron Burr was in love with him_ plagued his mind day and night. It kept him up so many nights that he wrote 30 page essays before he finally lost enough strength to keep his eyes open. It’s astounding how the guy he was supposed to just play a little game with turned out to be the first player out.

 

            Yet he still came back and finished it before it was game over.

 

            “I thought it would be too awful to bring it to a pawn shop or sell it. Maybe I should have made it into a necklace but you know me Burr, my pride is ridiculous.”

 

            “More than ridiculous.”  
  


            “I swear to God Aaron, ever since you lived with me you’ve been talking more.”

 

            “And you’ve been talking less.”

 

            “My point is Burr. I’ve been a total fucking mess when you left. You know how fucked up I am since then? You left your toothbrush in the goddamn apartment but I refuse to give it back. Some part of me wants you to figure it out yourself and get it.” In actuality, Burr _didn’t_ know he left his toothbrush in the apartment. Maybe part of him also _wanted_ him to forget.

 

            “Are you trying to guilt trip me into being with you again?”

 

            “Quite the opposite Aaron. I want you to stay as far away from me as possible. I’m toxic. I’m a mess. I can barely take care of myself. After I get out of the hospital, please for the love of god, _stay the hell away from me_. I don’t like hurting other people. I don’t like hurting _you._ I’ve caused enough damage as it is. I’d like to minimize as much casualties from now on. Stay away from the minefield Burr, you’re going to explode.”

 

            Silence fell between the two men as Hamilton tried to regain a steadier breathing pattern. The only other sound in the room was the heart monitor.

 

            “You said so yourself Alex. You can barely take care of yourself.” Aaron spotted a few wayward strands of hair covering the side of Alex’s face and he reached out to brush them away. He let his hand linger for a few seconds before he pulled back. He might have imagined Alex leaning into his touch just a little bit. “So let me take care of you, okay? I told Lafayette that months ago. Can’t expect me to break a promise now, right?”

 

            “I could never understand you.”

 

            “Don’t try.” Aaron placed his palm upright on top of Alexander’s chest and it didn’t take long for the other man to intertwine their fingers together. Once he did that, everything around Aaron seemed to fall back into place. The feeling in his chest was no longer heartbreak. It was relief and he felt that Alexander knew that too. “Because I understand who we are together. You can at least understand _us_ right?”

 

            “I understood the concept of us. It’s actually the reason why I even picked you--”

 

            “Talk less.” Aaron leaned in closer to Alex’s face and he smirked when the smaller man immediately shut up. He wondered how he got so good in making him do that. Alex of course would never admit that to him. He would dig it out of him eventually. They’ve got time. They’ve got time as Alex heals. They’ve got time once they heal together.

 

            Besides, Burr was always good at waiting.

 

            “Kiss me instead.”

 

            Alex couldn’t say no to that.

**Author's Note:**

> I hate myself for writing this really I do


End file.
